Oh, when I look back now, that summer seemed to last forever, and if I had the choice, yeah, I'd always want to be there. Those were the best days of my life.

i think they should follow there hearts like they both did from the start cause you cant control fate and they both know deep down inside you only get one soulmate.

This is one of the most emotional christmas's ive ever dealt with in my life. I'm happy and im sad and im laughing and i want to be crying. I have an amazing family and I love them all to death, but then it feels so different with allie not being here with us its like my sister isnt home for christmas and to make it better my brother wont be here on christmas morning to open presents with me for the first time ever and that upsets me, growing up i remember on christmas eve we would set our alarm clocks for 6am and run into our parents room to wake them so we could open all of the presents, and obviously as we got older it went from 6am to like 11am but we would still always open everything together and this year i wont even get to see him on christmas day cause hell be two hours away in philadelphia with his new girlfriend who is trying so hard to be nice to me and i just cant stand that. I miss my nana so much it hurts christmas just never feels the same without her, i wish i was older than 13 when she died and i wish even more that she didnt die 3days after christmas, i just wonder what my life would be like if she was still an everyday part of it i wonder what kinds of advice she would give me and if i would have actually learned how to be an amazing cook like she was. The next thing i need to vent about would be relationships and how both my brother and little sister have people who love them both so much and i just wish i had someone who cared about me so deeply that i couldve had them at my house for christmas eve to open presents with and laugh with and hug and take christmas pictures with when all this does is make me miss larry even more, i just wish he would call me just to see how i am i wish we could be friends and i wish he cared about how bad im hurting. I just hope santa takes some of his christmas magic and grants me at least one of those wishes.

I tried to move on. I really did. I tried to tell myself that you dont want me and that i cant have you anymore.I tried so hard but how can you let go of the only person who makes you happy? The only person who makes you feel alive? The only reason your still here? You cant just let go of someone like that.

And I still remember the very first time our eyes met I was standing in a crowd and someone trying to cut through whispered "Excuse me" as I turned to make a path your eyes caught mine and it was like a movie moment the kind where the girl and the guy lived happily ever after and I still wonder... why didn't we?

my christmas list<3

sometimes i think of you and wonder if your thinking of me too...

i usually dont listen to country music but theres a song by keith urban called "stupid boy" if you havent heard it i suggest listening to it. this song has been getting me through each and everyday lately,between the song and a few of my very best friends im slowly realizing he is nothing more than a stupid boy and that i shouldnt be crying myself to sleep at night over him that it really isnt worth it that he probabley is just a jackass like everyones been saying. in the song theres a lyric and he goes "it took a while for her to figure out she could run but when she did she was gone long gone". Im coming to terms with the fact I tried everything i could to change things i spilled my heart out but it wasnt good enough and if that wasnt good enough for him im not good enough either or at least im not good enough during this chapter of our lives, till someone crushes him like he crushed me and he looks back and realizes just how much i really did care but by that point ill be moved on cause thats usually how things work.Now its time for me to think about myself and what i need to do to put a smile back on my face and with the help of my friends ill eventually get that smile back again.

you never realize how much you care about someone untill they stop caring about you.

I'm a little bit lonesome, I'm a little bit blue, I can't stop crying since I lost you.There was a pain in my heart, like a lightening bolt and it was all your fault.